Healing Resentment, Envisioning Grace

"When things don't go your way, accept the situation immediately. If you indulge in feelings of regret, they can easily spill over into...resentment. .... Remember I am Sovereign over all your circumstances...and humble yourself under My Mighty Hand."
-Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young, May 22nd reading


I usually pride myself on my ability to see and visualize potential in a person, project, room, etc. To see what a thing can be...could be, is indeed a blessing...but can too quickly lead to pride and disappointment.

This excerpt from Jesus Calling hit me hard because it poked at a soar spot I have been struggling with...resentment.

Because I can envision what a thing or a person could or should be, I can get so fixed on that image, that I come to resent what is actually before me. I can't accept what I actually see and have because I know it could be better.

When I get transfixed on perfection, improvement and constantly visualize a better version of something, I am actually doing a number of negative things.

1. Lift myself up in pride, declaring I know best. When we look at a person or a thing and instantly chalk up a list of criticisms and improvements, we are functioning out of pride. Pride says, "I am better...others always have flaws...I can pick them out and see what needs changing." That is the opposite of love. Love overlooks an offense (Prov. 17:9), it is kind, does not boast, is not proud or rude (1 Cor. 13:4-5).

Our pride however can lead to...

2. Trying to take control myself. Do you remember the story of Sarai (Sarah), wife of Abram (Abraham- their names had not yet been changed at this point)? She saw a situation...her husband, with no heir...her womb with no child, and thought she had a solution. She had become disappointed with God and his timing, she looked and thought she saw a way to get things done. And she made it happen. In the end it caused heart ache and discord.


3. Essentially make an idol out of my ideals.  By putting so much importance on our 'perfect versions' and ideal people, we are actually making that/them a sort of idol. They distract us from God and absorb our energies. We lift up that image believing it is the best...that when we have reached its realization, then, then we will be happy.


Can you imagine if God responded the way I do? If He looked at things through my eyes?

Just imagine the perspective God has on life and the realm of possibilities He sees.

 God is the only one who will ever see all of our potential...what we could have been like had sin not gotten to us first...and it far surpasses the 'ideal version' we can ever conjure up for ourselves.

What if, when He looked at us, He resented and despised us because of how inferior we are to His perfect model? No matter what we did, it would never be good enough because His good enough is so vastly beyond what we could ever attain.

What if He saw us like that?

And He could, you know...if it weren't for grace.

Because of grace...
when God looks at us, He sees us through the Blood of Jesus...
covered in His promises, blessings, righteousness, and authority.

Time doesn't separate His perception of us...He sees our past, present and future-self all rolled up into one...He sees what will be like once we have completed this life and stand without all the junk of the world on us...completed...whole...new.


When God looks at me, He extends forgiveness towards me. He doesn't bring up my faults and failures to shame me or try to force me to change and improve.

When God looks at me, He extends love towards me. Gently, carefully, He molds and refines me. Imagine if He acted out of pride, He would tackle all of our faults and sins at once, and that would be too much to bear at one time.

Through the eyes of grace and love, God sees me.

Now I need to do the same when I look at others.


"Remember that I am Sovereign."

I am a little I person, He is a big God.

"Humble yourself before My Mighty Power."


His power working in others and in me is what makes change possible.

Be humble enough to extend grace and forgiveness, and humble enough to let God take care of it.

After Much Deliberation

I'm back.

If any of my previous readers and viewers are still here, "hi" to you.

Yes, I fell off the face of the earth for a while, but I climbed my way back up and I want to write again.

As you can see, 'Streams' has had a face lift. I was never really satisfied before, and if you have been peaking in the last month or two, you will have seen all my many tinkerings to this blog.

I wanted to create a space that was calming, simple and inviting. I don't know if I quite got it yet, but I think I'm mostly satisfied and I plan to leave things 'as is' and focus now on writing.

So I guess you could say this is the official re-opening of 'Streams'. I hope to move forward from here and really settle in.

See you around?

It's All In the Timing

"Hey, I just killed a snake."

These were the words I heard from my 14-year old brother. He had been mowing the lawn, and I was sitting beside Mrs. P in her comfortable, town house garage.

Snake.

If there is one word that sends tremors through my heart, you just read it. I firmly believe in the verse that says we shall 'crush' the head of the serpent (Gen. 3:15), and I have no spiritual dilemma following it through!

Now it doesn't take a geographer or zoologist to know there are lots of snakes here in Texas. In fact, when you hear 'Texas' what picture comes to mind? Rolling desert, robust cacti, roaming cowboys maybe? And, more likely than not, you thought rattle snakes.  Well, you are not too far off.

One would think, or at least the one writing this story, that rattlesnakes would stay far away from any humanized, motorized, form of settled civilization. But apparently, when it comes to snakes, they must be as dumb as they are ugly.

On a bright, beautiful, beaming suburban morning, my little brother Anthony came upon our unwelcome guest, not but four yards away from the house, coiled comfortable under the shade of Mrs. P's well watered pear tree.

Unknowingly my brother had walked right past Mrs. Snake as he mowed one length of grass and didn't notice him until his return trip when the snake was right in front of the mower. The perfect place I would say, because Anthony did what any snake-fearing person would do...he mowed right over it and chopped it to bits.

At the time, Anthony didn't actually realize it was a rattler. It wasn't until after his 'I killed a snake' declaration at which I time I followed him to the scene of the crime, that we made the discovery. While picking up the pieces, we had about decided it had been a harmless snake when I spotted a tail piece we had missed...and there attacked at the end was the infamous rattle.

Now, although I rejoice in the death of any rattlesnake, that isn't the best part of this story. The best part comes in the timing and God's hand in the events that took place before hand.

You see, Anthony had actually been late that morning. He was supposed to have been there hours earlier. But, for some reason, his alarm clock had failed to go off.

Imagine if it had.

At the time he found the snake, according to his earlier schedule, Anthony would most likely have been done and gone.

All the menfolk at my home and those of Mrs. P's sons were out and away during the morning, so there would have been no one to call for help. And I can assure you, I would not have been able to kill a rattle snake by myself.

And what if we had taken our walk later, or Mrs. had taken a walk by herself earlier in the morning before I got there, like she sometimes does? Things could have turned out very differently.

God took care of me and Mrs. P that morning. And hey, He may not have held back the sun, but I think it is pretty special that He held back the alarm.

A New Revelation, A New Creation

Always and whenever I read about being a 'new creation', 'being made new',

and 'being transformed by the renewing of your mind',

I pray and ask God to make it so in my life.

 

It has been said we never see change taking place in us until it has fully come upon us.

No one knows when being snuck up on that they are about to be surprised until they are overtaken.

 

I realized as of late that I had been overtaken by my answered prayers.

 

The suddenness of that realization came upon my mind sharply.

 

Once again, I found myself reading about  'the new man'.

Once again I wondered if I would ever be so.

Once again I prayed.

 

But this time, in answer to my "Lord, make me new" I heard without hesitation,

 

"You are ."

 

Across my mind flashed a recent conversation I had with a good friend

who had gone through a break-up.

This friend was not a Christian.

 

As I listened to them share their woes and tell how things had fallen apart- I was dumbstruck.

 

Completely, utterly, speechless.

 

Their perspective, their basis upon which they built this entire relationship,

their concepts of material loss or small victories in keeping some item

from their ex's grasp, was so pointedly and 100% opposite and removed from my own.

My views, beliefs, priorities and morals were so utterly dissimilar

that I had no grounds on which to meet this friend.

 

We were worlds apart.

 

There was no way of translating my before-planned counsel so they could grasp or

understand some shred of the truths I had wanted to communicate.

 Because my friend didn't even know the phonetics, if you will,

the very basics of Christian morals and principals, there was simply no way.

 

Yes, we were indeed of different worlds, speaking different languages.

 

As recollection of this experience washed over my memory,

bringing afresh a small, concentrated dose of the emotions felt from it,

reality struck me.

 

"You are  transformed...you are a new man."

 

I was so entirely different in my approach to life and its issues,

my convictions and beliefs so stirringly, strikingly opposed,

the very workings and reasonings of my thoughts, emotions and responses

were on the other end of the pendulum in comparison to my friend's.

In fact they are not those of an 'ordinary' person, a person of this world.

 

A way of thinking, feeling, seeing and interpreting life's events

had gotten ahold of me that was not 'normal',

was not like other 'men' around me.

 

I was like an alien operating on a strange planet, under a different set of 'kingdom rules'.

I was like...

a new man.

 

 

 

2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away;

behold, all things are become new.



A Thought

God allows each man some vice or shortsighted vision

 of His truth in one area or another

simply so we as humans won't lift them up higher than we ought

 and make a 'christ' out of them.

 

No one sees all truth.

Truth is God, and it is impossible to see all of God in our human form.

All of His glory is too much to take in all at once- so it truth.

 

~Me~



Let's Be Real

Hello there.

How have you been?

It has been a long time since I last blogged, and I might say in my defence, for good reasons.

But they are my own, so you'll just to trust me on this one.

One reason, I will share with you, truthfully.

Sometimes I just feel it doesn't matter.

My words, my feelings, my blogging.

What does it amount to?

Hours of my life spent in front of a computer screen wearing my eyes out....

and for what reason?

We all of us, sooner or later, have to examine the reasons behind our actions.

And sometimes those reasons lead to further questions, which may lead

to some unsettling answers and ultimately, point out something buried deep

that we may not have know lurked in our heart.

I'm gonna peal back the mask for a moment, not because I want you to feel sorry for me,

or even understand me,

but because we need more real people in this world.

I know I do.

So here goes.

I stopped blogging (in part) because I was discouraged.

Why?

Because is seemed none of it mattered, it wasn't making a difference.

What made you think that?

I have two followers and only a handful of readers.

Which means...?

I'm wasting my time, I'm must not be a very good writer if people won't read it.

Why does it matter if people read it?

Because I want them to.

And why is that?

So I feel like I'm a good writer, like I'm appreciated.

In other words, you write for attention?

NO. No, I'm not like that! You know me, I grew up the shy wallflower, I don't clamor for attention!

But...?

I want others to accept me. To like me.

You have real, present people in your life that accept you, love you.

That's not enough.

Why?

Because- because what if they are wrong? What if they are just being nice?

What makes you think that, why do you doubt others love and acceptance of you?

.....

And this is where the truth hit me, it came flying at me like a rock hurled to the head.

But instead of knocking me blind, it cleared my sight so I could see the real issue.

Because...because I don't like myself. I have never accepted myself, I don't like who I am.

And there you have it.

The whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God.

Yes. Please. Help me God.

We may know the truth of who God says we are, and we may know that others love and accept us.

But we can never accept others until we accept ourselves.

We can't truly love others until we love ourselves.

Flaws and all.

We can't give what we don't have.

So.

That is kind of where I'm at.

I'm a bit of perfectionist, I'm always trying to improve myself, and yes, others.

I'm extremely critical of myself, and secretly of others, though to a far lesser degree.

And it irks me.

God used the book The Bluebird and the Sparrow by Janette Oke to bring this self realization crashing into my heart.

All the way through the book the main character, Berta, drove me crazy.

I got upset with her, and thought she was being stupid and irrational about many things,

making bad decisions out of pain that ultimately resulted in more pain.

In spite of this, I could really identify with some of her feelings and coping mechanisms...

her hurts and how she molded her life and herself based on those wounds.

It was just what I needed to hear.

Amazing how He knows that, isn't it?

Truly, I love writing.

Writing is a release and a way of expressing what I can't say with my tongue.

So I'll keep blogging because I want to write.

Even if no one ever reads it.

I'm restraining myself from re-reading over this post, rewriting it, nitpicking here,

deleting there, because frankly, perfectionism is exhausting.

And besides, this is more of a raw post.

It isn't perfect, I didn't labor hours over the wording and grammar.

As I work, with God's help, to accept myself, just as I am, I think I will learn to accept that too.

~Me~



My Garden and Living Water

Chives in my herb garden.

What does 100 degrees + my herb garden - 2 days of watering equal?

You've got it.

Droopy plants.

Here in my region of the Lone Star state, we are going through what is affectionately referred to as a "drought". As a result, every evening my family and I venture forth from our cool, A/C endowed home to assess the damage on our various plants and do our best to restore them.

This year I took a leap of faith and planted my first herb garden. It has been a source of joyous accomplishment to witness seeds I planted sprouting up and showing up on our dinner table. In the cool of the evening, just before dark, I go out to water them after surviving yet another Texas squelcher.

One weekend not so long ago I got myself into a 'funk'.  It had been a trying week and I was beat. My attitude and perspective on life, quite frankly, had been blown a little off course. Not much got done. Including my evening water ritual.

After two missed waterings, I found myself, watering wand in hand, staring at a very sad, very parched little garden.

"Amazing," I thought to myself, "how two days time can be the difference between life and this."

Water droplets dribbled gently to the ground, and no sooner having landed, were instantly absorbed...all trace of their presence vanishing like some magic trick.

As I stood watering and surveying my poor little greens, a though gently dawned on me.

I was just like my wilted, thirsting plants.

Running water gave them life. Living Water gave me life.

They had been cut off from their source. So had I.

Like my growing garden, I live in a dry and thirsty land, where one day without water, without some nourishment and Strength beyond myself, can have sickly consequences.

My soul had become dry and crusty, leaving a trail of dust behind me simply because I had been neglecting to get my daily dose of Living Water.

John 4:10- Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water."

Slowly I breathed in, and surly my heart gave in. A single name...a Holy Name, fell from my lips.

And there it was.

My Source.

My Living Water.

Isaiah 44:3- For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground;
 I will pour out my Spirit...

I'm still not sure who benefited most from that watering...the plants, or this thirsty girl.

After All

I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. Ask God to help them; intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them.
~ 1 Timothy 2:1, NLT ~

Photo by mufan96 via Flickr

An ambulance just squealed down the highway, lights ablaze.

Pray for the people inside it.



A tragic headline catches your eyes in the news.

Pray for those it effects.


Anytime a cord of your compassion is plucked by something you hear or see.

Pray.


Hmmm...


All.

.....

Well, unfortunately I'm prettyyyyy sure that means....ALL.

Enemies...jerks... politicians...line-cutters and speeders included.  *Aww, shucks...Sigh*

After all, they are people too, with hurts and hopes just like us.

After all, aren't those simply titles we give them for OUR emotions based on how they treat us?   

AFTER ALL, these people need help, right? So why not tell God and let HIM fix it!

Prayer is not just for the hurting, but for those who hurt others.


The type of prayer this verse talks about is a two-way street of blessing. It frees us from bad attitudes, self-focus, and resentment while also blessing the other person as we speak positive, thankful things about them in prayer along with asking God to help them.


We may, after all, be the only person that will.

Resurrection Day!

This Day

Today is the day.

All of history....

All existence...

Held its breath for this day.

Prophecy fulfilled,

Eternities altered.

Lives restored,

a Kingdom established.

This day.

Death died, He lived.

God's Son,

the battle won.

A chasm Crossed,

for sin to pay,

man restored.

This day.

His day.

HIStory made.

This day.

~Desarae Phipps~

Happy Resurrection Day everyone!

We are blessed beyond worldly measure!

Your Productive Kingdom?

Our people must learn to do good by meeting the urgent needs of others; they they will not be unproductive. -Titus 3:14 NLT

Is it just me, or does this verse seem to go against our 'grain'?

Read it once, it sounds great!

But read it twice and you go "Whoa! Wait!"

Productive.

What comes to mind when you hear that word?

To-Do list, deadlines, writing letters, making phone calls, mopping floors, grocery shopping, mow the lawn, the list goes on and on.

Each check mark earns us a productive point, no?

But hold the horses, this verse says productive lives come by meeting the urgent needs of others. How does that work?

Let's all admit, it can be frustrating when someone interrupts our focused, get-it-done attitude with a request, right?

It seems contrary to think we can be more productive by fulfilling those little interruptions, doesn't it?

But then...I think therein lies the point.

We serve a God who operates on a different 'economy system', a Kingdom that is contrary.

Me, I and My rule in the kingdom of To-Do-Lists and productivity, but His Kingdom To-Do-List reads more like this,

"Feed my sheep..." (John 21:17)
                       
                     "Love one another..." (John 13:34)

                                         "Encourage each other...." (1 Thess. 5:11, Heb. 3:13)

                                                                         "Pray for one another..." (James 5:16)

                                                                                 
At the end of the day the floor may still be muddy, but the waters of someone's heart clear.

That delicious meal you planned may have been replaced with sandwiches, but the family that just lost a loved one need not worry because you took time to feed their hurting hearts as well their bellies.

You may not home as soon as you wanted after a crazy day at work, but at least that lady didn't walk home in the rain 'cause you gave her a ride.

In a Father's economy, He sees after all of His children. And He lets us help!

Through the process, we lose 'self', lose fear, lose mistrust, and that sounds like spiritual productiveness doesn't it?

This thing is a two way street.

Hope to see you on it. :)