Healing Resentment, Envisioning Grace

"When things don't go your way, accept the situation immediately. If you indulge in feelings of regret, they can easily spill over into...resentment. .... Remember I am Sovereign over all your circumstances...and humble yourself under My Mighty Hand."
-Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young, May 22nd reading


I usually pride myself on my ability to see and visualize potential in a person, project, room, etc. To see what a thing can be...could be, is indeed a blessing...but can too quickly lead to pride and disappointment.

This excerpt from Jesus Calling hit me hard because it poked at a soar spot I have been struggling with...resentment.

Because I can envision what a thing or a person could or should be, I can get so fixed on that image, that I come to resent what is actually before me. I can't accept what I actually see and have because I know it could be better.

When I get transfixed on perfection, improvement and constantly visualize a better version of something, I am actually doing a number of negative things.

1. Lift myself up in pride, declaring I know best. When we look at a person or a thing and instantly chalk up a list of criticisms and improvements, we are functioning out of pride. Pride says, "I am better...others always have flaws...I can pick them out and see what needs changing." That is the opposite of love. Love overlooks an offense (Prov. 17:9), it is kind, does not boast, is not proud or rude (1 Cor. 13:4-5).

Our pride however can lead to...

2. Trying to take control myself. Do you remember the story of Sarai (Sarah), wife of Abram (Abraham- their names had not yet been changed at this point)? She saw a situation...her husband, with no heir...her womb with no child, and thought she had a solution. She had become disappointed with God and his timing, she looked and thought she saw a way to get things done. And she made it happen. In the end it caused heart ache and discord.


3. Essentially make an idol out of my ideals.  By putting so much importance on our 'perfect versions' and ideal people, we are actually making that/them a sort of idol. They distract us from God and absorb our energies. We lift up that image believing it is the best...that when we have reached its realization, then, then we will be happy.


Can you imagine if God responded the way I do? If He looked at things through my eyes?

Just imagine the perspective God has on life and the realm of possibilities He sees.

 God is the only one who will ever see all of our potential...what we could have been like had sin not gotten to us first...and it far surpasses the 'ideal version' we can ever conjure up for ourselves.

What if, when He looked at us, He resented and despised us because of how inferior we are to His perfect model? No matter what we did, it would never be good enough because His good enough is so vastly beyond what we could ever attain.

What if He saw us like that?

And He could, you know...if it weren't for grace.

Because of grace...
when God looks at us, He sees us through the Blood of Jesus...
covered in His promises, blessings, righteousness, and authority.

Time doesn't separate His perception of us...He sees our past, present and future-self all rolled up into one...He sees what will be like once we have completed this life and stand without all the junk of the world on us...completed...whole...new.


When God looks at me, He extends forgiveness towards me. He doesn't bring up my faults and failures to shame me or try to force me to change and improve.

When God looks at me, He extends love towards me. Gently, carefully, He molds and refines me. Imagine if He acted out of pride, He would tackle all of our faults and sins at once, and that would be too much to bear at one time.

Through the eyes of grace and love, God sees me.

Now I need to do the same when I look at others.


"Remember that I am Sovereign."

I am a little I person, He is a big God.

"Humble yourself before My Mighty Power."


His power working in others and in me is what makes change possible.

Be humble enough to extend grace and forgiveness, and humble enough to let God take care of it.

Let's Be Real

Hello there.

How have you been?

It has been a long time since I last blogged, and I might say in my defence, for good reasons.

But they are my own, so you'll just to trust me on this one.

One reason, I will share with you, truthfully.

Sometimes I just feel it doesn't matter.

My words, my feelings, my blogging.

What does it amount to?

Hours of my life spent in front of a computer screen wearing my eyes out....

and for what reason?

We all of us, sooner or later, have to examine the reasons behind our actions.

And sometimes those reasons lead to further questions, which may lead

to some unsettling answers and ultimately, point out something buried deep

that we may not have know lurked in our heart.

I'm gonna peal back the mask for a moment, not because I want you to feel sorry for me,

or even understand me,

but because we need more real people in this world.

I know I do.

So here goes.

I stopped blogging (in part) because I was discouraged.

Why?

Because is seemed none of it mattered, it wasn't making a difference.

What made you think that?

I have two followers and only a handful of readers.

Which means...?

I'm wasting my time, I'm must not be a very good writer if people won't read it.

Why does it matter if people read it?

Because I want them to.

And why is that?

So I feel like I'm a good writer, like I'm appreciated.

In other words, you write for attention?

NO. No, I'm not like that! You know me, I grew up the shy wallflower, I don't clamor for attention!

But...?

I want others to accept me. To like me.

You have real, present people in your life that accept you, love you.

That's not enough.

Why?

Because- because what if they are wrong? What if they are just being nice?

What makes you think that, why do you doubt others love and acceptance of you?

.....

And this is where the truth hit me, it came flying at me like a rock hurled to the head.

But instead of knocking me blind, it cleared my sight so I could see the real issue.

Because...because I don't like myself. I have never accepted myself, I don't like who I am.

And there you have it.

The whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God.

Yes. Please. Help me God.

We may know the truth of who God says we are, and we may know that others love and accept us.

But we can never accept others until we accept ourselves.

We can't truly love others until we love ourselves.

Flaws and all.

We can't give what we don't have.

So.

That is kind of where I'm at.

I'm a bit of perfectionist, I'm always trying to improve myself, and yes, others.

I'm extremely critical of myself, and secretly of others, though to a far lesser degree.

And it irks me.

God used the book The Bluebird and the Sparrow by Janette Oke to bring this self realization crashing into my heart.

All the way through the book the main character, Berta, drove me crazy.

I got upset with her, and thought she was being stupid and irrational about many things,

making bad decisions out of pain that ultimately resulted in more pain.

In spite of this, I could really identify with some of her feelings and coping mechanisms...

her hurts and how she molded her life and herself based on those wounds.

It was just what I needed to hear.

Amazing how He knows that, isn't it?

Truly, I love writing.

Writing is a release and a way of expressing what I can't say with my tongue.

So I'll keep blogging because I want to write.

Even if no one ever reads it.

I'm restraining myself from re-reading over this post, rewriting it, nitpicking here,

deleting there, because frankly, perfectionism is exhausting.

And besides, this is more of a raw post.

It isn't perfect, I didn't labor hours over the wording and grammar.

As I work, with God's help, to accept myself, just as I am, I think I will learn to accept that too.

~Me~



The Thief of Our Energies...

You’re excited!

A brilliant new idea, some creative light bulb has just sparked a surge of energy and you set to work.

You eagerly go about making your mental masterpiece become a reality. Pen out the words, sketch the scene, thread the needle, mix the ingredients, snap the shot, build the structure, play the notes.

Only wait….

Something isn’t right.

You try again.

Nope.

It still doesn’t sing to you.

Maybe if you just…

Grrrrr! THAT isn’t going to work.

Before long…

Scratch that!

I’m done, I give up.

It’s not PERFECT!!!

Do you ever feel like that? To be so exuberant and excited about something new, only to abandon it in utter frustration because you can’t make it turn out the way you had envisioned in your head?

Well I do that a lot. Especially recently.

My life isn’t perfect.

FAAARRRRR from it in fact. Sometimes I wish there was a restart button. I want a do-over, like in those wonderful old Nintendo games, you know? If you missed a coin in your quest for the ultimate score, or didn’t beat the clock, you got to restart and attempt your perfect run once again. Man, do I wish life was like that!

Is it just me or does it seem the more your life is imperfect, the more we seem to strive for perfection in the little things?

Take this blog for instance. Since its creation I have been frustrated with it…it doesn’t look the way I want it to, I can’t make the design do what I want, it’s not as impressive as so and so’s…and I get discouraged. What was first a source of excitement and creative energy fast became an annoyance and had me throwing hands in the air in surrender to my frustrations.

But then I stop and think.

My quest for perfection is keeping me from the real purpose of this blog….to write!

Perfectionism is a thief to your energy.

Rather than devoting my energies and precious time to writing for this blog, I found myself obsessing about the color of the texts, the width of the margins, the placement of boxes! When it comes down to it, who really cares?

I was allowing my time and my joy to be stolen by a drive to be perfect.

But you know….I never will. At least not in this life.

That’s when I hear the whisper…  “I am your perfection…I became perfection for you.”

2 Samuel 22:31- As for God his way is perfect…”

Hmmm, “the way”, now doesn’t that sound familiar?

John 14:6 “Jesus answered, “ I am the way and the truth and the life.’”

Life. When you think of a perfectionist, do you think of life…full, joyful, overflowing life? Hmmm, nope, sorry, those two don’t seem to mesh in my mind.

The definition of perfect is “without defect or blemish.” Wait, I’ve heard that one before too.

1 Peter 1:18-19 “For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect.”

Christ became what we could never be…perfect. That is why we have a Savior.

Mmmm, breathe that in…you don’t have to be perfect because He has become your perfection!

But just a second, there is another verse…Matthew 5:48  which says “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

Wait!    

Didn’t I just say we don’t have to be perfect, and here I bring up this verse?!

Think of it this way. What is perfect?  “Without blemish” right? That means holy…clean…pure…like.. Jesus.

Just be like Jesus.

Just walk in His way…The Perfect Way…The Life…The Truth…the truth that sets us free. The truth is we aren’t perfect. The truth is…HE IS.

“You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You.”- Isaiah 26:3.

Peace. Not frustration. Now that IS perfect.