Let's Be Real

Hello there.

How have you been?

It has been a long time since I last blogged, and I might say in my defence, for good reasons.

But they are my own, so you'll just to trust me on this one.

One reason, I will share with you, truthfully.

Sometimes I just feel it doesn't matter.

My words, my feelings, my blogging.

What does it amount to?

Hours of my life spent in front of a computer screen wearing my eyes out....

and for what reason?

We all of us, sooner or later, have to examine the reasons behind our actions.

And sometimes those reasons lead to further questions, which may lead

to some unsettling answers and ultimately, point out something buried deep

that we may not have know lurked in our heart.

I'm gonna peal back the mask for a moment, not because I want you to feel sorry for me,

or even understand me,

but because we need more real people in this world.

I know I do.

So here goes.

I stopped blogging (in part) because I was discouraged.

Why?

Because is seemed none of it mattered, it wasn't making a difference.

What made you think that?

I have two followers and only a handful of readers.

Which means...?

I'm wasting my time, I'm must not be a very good writer if people won't read it.

Why does it matter if people read it?

Because I want them to.

And why is that?

So I feel like I'm a good writer, like I'm appreciated.

In other words, you write for attention?

NO. No, I'm not like that! You know me, I grew up the shy wallflower, I don't clamor for attention!

But...?

I want others to accept me. To like me.

You have real, present people in your life that accept you, love you.

That's not enough.

Why?

Because- because what if they are wrong? What if they are just being nice?

What makes you think that, why do you doubt others love and acceptance of you?

.....

And this is where the truth hit me, it came flying at me like a rock hurled to the head.

But instead of knocking me blind, it cleared my sight so I could see the real issue.

Because...because I don't like myself. I have never accepted myself, I don't like who I am.

And there you have it.

The whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God.

Yes. Please. Help me God.

We may know the truth of who God says we are, and we may know that others love and accept us.

But we can never accept others until we accept ourselves.

We can't truly love others until we love ourselves.

Flaws and all.

We can't give what we don't have.

So.

That is kind of where I'm at.

I'm a bit of perfectionist, I'm always trying to improve myself, and yes, others.

I'm extremely critical of myself, and secretly of others, though to a far lesser degree.

And it irks me.

God used the book The Bluebird and the Sparrow by Janette Oke to bring this self realization crashing into my heart.

All the way through the book the main character, Berta, drove me crazy.

I got upset with her, and thought she was being stupid and irrational about many things,

making bad decisions out of pain that ultimately resulted in more pain.

In spite of this, I could really identify with some of her feelings and coping mechanisms...

her hurts and how she molded her life and herself based on those wounds.

It was just what I needed to hear.

Amazing how He knows that, isn't it?

Truly, I love writing.

Writing is a release and a way of expressing what I can't say with my tongue.

So I'll keep blogging because I want to write.

Even if no one ever reads it.

I'm restraining myself from re-reading over this post, rewriting it, nitpicking here,

deleting there, because frankly, perfectionism is exhausting.

And besides, this is more of a raw post.

It isn't perfect, I didn't labor hours over the wording and grammar.

As I work, with God's help, to accept myself, just as I am, I think I will learn to accept that too.

~Me~



My Garden and Living Water

Chives in my herb garden.

What does 100 degrees + my herb garden - 2 days of watering equal?

You've got it.

Droopy plants.

Here in my region of the Lone Star state, we are going through what is affectionately referred to as a "drought". As a result, every evening my family and I venture forth from our cool, A/C endowed home to assess the damage on our various plants and do our best to restore them.

This year I took a leap of faith and planted my first herb garden. It has been a source of joyous accomplishment to witness seeds I planted sprouting up and showing up on our dinner table. In the cool of the evening, just before dark, I go out to water them after surviving yet another Texas squelcher.

One weekend not so long ago I got myself into a 'funk'.  It had been a trying week and I was beat. My attitude and perspective on life, quite frankly, had been blown a little off course. Not much got done. Including my evening water ritual.

After two missed waterings, I found myself, watering wand in hand, staring at a very sad, very parched little garden.

"Amazing," I thought to myself, "how two days time can be the difference between life and this."

Water droplets dribbled gently to the ground, and no sooner having landed, were instantly absorbed...all trace of their presence vanishing like some magic trick.

As I stood watering and surveying my poor little greens, a though gently dawned on me.

I was just like my wilted, thirsting plants.

Running water gave them life. Living Water gave me life.

They had been cut off from their source. So had I.

Like my growing garden, I live in a dry and thirsty land, where one day without water, without some nourishment and Strength beyond myself, can have sickly consequences.

My soul had become dry and crusty, leaving a trail of dust behind me simply because I had been neglecting to get my daily dose of Living Water.

John 4:10- Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water."

Slowly I breathed in, and surly my heart gave in. A single name...a Holy Name, fell from my lips.

And there it was.

My Source.

My Living Water.

Isaiah 44:3- For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground;
 I will pour out my Spirit...

I'm still not sure who benefited most from that watering...the plants, or this thirsty girl.

After All

I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. Ask God to help them; intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them.
~ 1 Timothy 2:1, NLT ~

Photo by mufan96 via Flickr

An ambulance just squealed down the highway, lights ablaze.

Pray for the people inside it.



A tragic headline catches your eyes in the news.

Pray for those it effects.


Anytime a cord of your compassion is plucked by something you hear or see.

Pray.


Hmmm...


All.

.....

Well, unfortunately I'm prettyyyyy sure that means....ALL.

Enemies...jerks... politicians...line-cutters and speeders included.  *Aww, shucks...Sigh*

After all, they are people too, with hurts and hopes just like us.

After all, aren't those simply titles we give them for OUR emotions based on how they treat us?   

AFTER ALL, these people need help, right? So why not tell God and let HIM fix it!

Prayer is not just for the hurting, but for those who hurt others.


The type of prayer this verse talks about is a two-way street of blessing. It frees us from bad attitudes, self-focus, and resentment while also blessing the other person as we speak positive, thankful things about them in prayer along with asking God to help them.


We may, after all, be the only person that will.

Resurrection Day!

This Day

Today is the day.

All of history....

All existence...

Held its breath for this day.

Prophecy fulfilled,

Eternities altered.

Lives restored,

a Kingdom established.

This day.

Death died, He lived.

God's Son,

the battle won.

A chasm Crossed,

for sin to pay,

man restored.

This day.

His day.

HIStory made.

This day.

~Desarae Phipps~

Happy Resurrection Day everyone!

We are blessed beyond worldly measure!

Your Productive Kingdom?

Our people must learn to do good by meeting the urgent needs of others; they they will not be unproductive. -Titus 3:14 NLT

Is it just me, or does this verse seem to go against our 'grain'?

Read it once, it sounds great!

But read it twice and you go "Whoa! Wait!"

Productive.

What comes to mind when you hear that word?

To-Do list, deadlines, writing letters, making phone calls, mopping floors, grocery shopping, mow the lawn, the list goes on and on.

Each check mark earns us a productive point, no?

But hold the horses, this verse says productive lives come by meeting the urgent needs of others. How does that work?

Let's all admit, it can be frustrating when someone interrupts our focused, get-it-done attitude with a request, right?

It seems contrary to think we can be more productive by fulfilling those little interruptions, doesn't it?

But then...I think therein lies the point.

We serve a God who operates on a different 'economy system', a Kingdom that is contrary.

Me, I and My rule in the kingdom of To-Do-Lists and productivity, but His Kingdom To-Do-List reads more like this,

"Feed my sheep..." (John 21:17)
                       
                     "Love one another..." (John 13:34)

                                         "Encourage each other...." (1 Thess. 5:11, Heb. 3:13)

                                                                         "Pray for one another..." (James 5:16)

                                                                                 
At the end of the day the floor may still be muddy, but the waters of someone's heart clear.

That delicious meal you planned may have been replaced with sandwiches, but the family that just lost a loved one need not worry because you took time to feed their hurting hearts as well their bellies.

You may not home as soon as you wanted after a crazy day at work, but at least that lady didn't walk home in the rain 'cause you gave her a ride.

In a Father's economy, He sees after all of His children. And He lets us help!

Through the process, we lose 'self', lose fear, lose mistrust, and that sounds like spiritual productiveness doesn't it?

This thing is a two way street.

Hope to see you on it. :)

The Least of These



Photo from Flickr

Does it really matter?!

       Will this even make a difference?

                    What am I doing?

Me. Last week. These questions.

Been there?

I know you have.

Cause we ALL have.

We all struggle, all reach, all strive, all wonder. We want to make a difference, be successful, leave a mark on this crazy world.

Some are given platforms which the world looks at and says 'wow', but most of us live 'normal' lives, and some of us live seemingly small lives...like me.

I was once a waitress, then an office hand, then a journalist, then an ad salesman; I was in contact with lots of people everyday.

And now, after the dust of God's hand at work has settled, I'm in a place, be it far more peaceful than before, that is indeed very small.  Have you been there too?

Where I used to see to the needs to business men, now I see to the needs to an aged widow.
 
Where once I fed my editor front page stories, now I feed this woman.

I used to write stories, now I listen to hers.

No longer interviewing doctors, now I serve as one.

And one day, I stopped and said to myself.

    "Lord, I know this matters to her, and I know this is where you have placed me, but today I don't feel very important. No one sees what I do, does it even matter or not if I keep her house clean or give her bath, or make sure her shoes are polished?!"

No sooner had I uttered these words than a gentle whisper floated through my heart,

"The least of these...."

I stopped in my tracks.

"I was hungry....I was thirsty...I  was sick...you looked after Me." (Matthew 25:34-40)

The rest of the verse came flooding back to mind, and with it came a deep reassurance and peace.

The little things we do matter.

They are seen.

Today as I sat down to write this entry, I wasn't quite sure if I should publish it, so in between writing I check my e-mail. I was amazed by what I found waiting for me. A daily Bible verse reading,

"So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless." 1 Cor. 15:58 NLT.

How amazing!

Again, that peace and reassurance came.

I believe someone needed to read this today, was it you?

Let's remember together that our platform may be as small as as stepping stool that dusts the ceiling fan of an old ladies house, but it matters...

It matters.

Identity

I stumbled upon this poem today and wanted to share it with you. These are truths, let them sink in, take root and heal your soul.~

My Identity In Christ

Because of Christ's redemption,

I am a new creation of great worth.

I am deeply loved,

completely forgiven,

fully pleasing,

totally accepted by God,

and absolutely complete in Christ.

There has never been another person like me

in the history of mankind,

nor will there ever be.

God has made me original,

on of a kind, really somebody!

~Unknown Author~

A New Hat

Hey there everyone!
Just wanted to let y'all know that I started another blog Gladness of Heart.

Why another blog? Well, this new blog will have a different purpose and feel to it, it is intended to be a more lighthearted blog where I can post daily going ons, family news, projects, things that have inspired me and other random things I would like to share!

It is kind of like a different pair of shoes or another 'hat' as they say. Streams in the Wasteland is meant to be a devotional, a spiritual blog, and I just couldn't bring myself to post about anything other than that. I will continue to post here, but I wanted to branch out and not be quite so limited to my posts.

And so, I hope you will visit me at my other blog soon!

God bless.

Fleeting

Life is fleeting.

Life is never a given.

Things can change in an instant.

Today, after coming home from working and a normal run of the mill day, I was struck with the sudden news that one of my best friend's sister had passed away. She was 28. She died after a lengthy battle with cancer.

It was one of those fears that lurked in my mind, but she had been doing fine lately, she was going through treatment, she was fighting.

And then the next moment she is gone.

It is a moment in time that can change the rest of life.

"Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life."- Psalm 39:4 NIV

I am working as a caretaker for a 98 year old woman. Talk about the fragility of life. She is a spunky, healthy woman for her age. She is amazing honestly.

She lives on her own, she can still get around pretty good, she even gardens and works out in the yard! Smart, and sharp as a tack.

But not too long ago, things changed for her. She had a fall. Her body had recovered, but her mind and memory were altered from the medications.

As she takes me through her house, for a second time, she points to the many faces in frames hanging on her walls....and she can't tell me all of their names.

She has told me several great childhood memories...several times. She can't remember my name, she can't remember what all happened yesterday, and she asks more than once what day it is.

Things can change in a moment.

Life is precious....fragile...and fleeting. People respond to this differently. Some go through life holed up in a stagnant box afraid of everything around them, the what if's and unknowns.

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"- Matthew 6:27 NIV

Others blaze ahead recklessly in an effort to suck every last ounce of 'life' from their days... each one of these approaches is wrong, and actually drains the life from you rather than preserving it.

My approach?

Know Who holds your life. I don't have to walk around in fear that I'll fall one day and drop that fragile crystal hourglass and it will all be over. No, He holds my times and numbers my days. He is in control.

"Man's days are determined; you have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed."- Job 14:4 NIV

Isn't it much more comforting to know Someone is in charge of something so valuable? Not you yourself, random chance or others around you, but a loving, personal God who has a plan for you?

Yes, life is fleeting and fragile...let Someone else take care of it for you, huh?

"For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it."- Mark 8:35 NIV

Treasure what you have in THIS day, recognize the gift it is, and trust the rest to Him.


* Do you have any more verses to add to this?  Share them in the comments.

PS- Please be in prayer for my dear friend and her family. Their loss breaks my heart, even though we know this young lady is no longer suffering and with Jesus, the loss is real and hard.

Love Letter: Compassionate Love

Well, I apologize for not posting this past week. I had the wonderful opportunity to attend the San Antonio Independent Christian Film Festival with family and friends, and while I had INTENDED to post during that time, my computer had other plans! Apparently my computer, much like my hair, didn't agree with the humidity down there and didn't want to work.

So, back at home and somewhat rested, here is another post as we near the end of the month of February.


Compassionate Love

"I crown you with love and compassion.

This means I don't heap guilt and shame upon your head to weigh you down. No, I pour out love and compassion upon your head, an anointing oil, and like a crown, you can stand confident and poised, assured of My love and compassion.

I am compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.

I long to be gracious to you, I rise to show compassion. When you come to Me, into my courts, before My throne, I, the King of Kings, will rise to meet you!

My love for you moved Me from My throne once before, and My compassion continues to move Me towards you!

I will have compassion on you and lead you beside springs of water.

I take compassion on My afflicted ones, and bring you back to Me.

I am FULL of compassion and mercy!

I love you."

~Psalm 103:2-5, Psalm 103:8, Isaiah 30:18, Isaiah 49:10b, Isaiah 49:13b, James 5:11b~